by Tekoa Nantze
My husband is the forgetful one in our house. Before he walks out the front door, we go through a routine of questions: Do you have your car keys? house keys? cell phone? wallet?
We’ve tried to build organizational systems to help him remember tasks, items, and dates but have settled on the only system that works: me. I write lists for him, add things to our shared digital calendar, and often answer “where did I leave my keys?” texts.
The tables have turned, however. After becoming pregnant with our first child, I discovered a horrible new phenomenon: mom brain.
I had friends tell me that with pregnancy comes the start of desperately forgetting so many things. I was warned, but I naively thought that my superior organizational skills and sharp memory would ward off any mom brain issues.
(OK moms, please stop laughing now.)
It occasionally seems that
my brain has gone on strike.
I’m now the one who can’t remember where I left my glasses, if my car keys are in my purse or my ignition, or who is coming to the house for dinner. I stammer while trying to remember basic English words that I have used all my life. It occasionally seems that my brain has gone on strike.
But on a recent Sunday, while trying to get my mom brain to focus on our pastor’s sermon, I heard this passage:
“But recall the former days when, after you were enlightened, you endured a hard struggle with sufferings, sometimes being publicly exposed to reproach and affliction, and sometimes being partners with those so treated. For you had compassion on those in prison, and you joyfully accepted the plundering of your property, since you knew that you yourselves had a better possession and an abiding one. Therefore do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward.” —Hebrews 10:32-35, ESV
I underlined the word recall. To remember.
It struck me: lately, I haven’t been remembering. I’ve walked with Jesus for nearly two decades now. I’ve seen Him change my heart, provide for me miraculously, and bring me through some incredibly dark circumstances.
I’ve forgotten to look back and be reminded
of who I once was.
It dawned on me that I’ve become spiritually forgetful in my current season of life. I’ve been so focused on what’s ahead that I’ve forgotten to look back and be reminded of who I once was. I’ve allowed myself to become complacent and worrisome; I’ve forgotten what God has done in the past.
When I take some time to stop the busyness merry-go-round and remind myself of the past, I remembered the times when I was broke and God provided the next meal. Or when I lost a job and He provided a new job that was exceedingly better. Or the long, lonely years of singleness, when I found companionship in Him.
“Do not throw away your confidence.” When I don’t take time to recall, I lose confidence in who God is and what He can do.
He has never failed me before.
The latest hurdle has been the anxiety over our first home purchase. Anyone who has bought a home can tell you the stress that comes with those decisions! Many times over the long process of trying to find a home, I have found myself losing confidence in God’s ability to provide for our family. When I stopped and recalled the truths I knew about God, I was reminded that He has never failed me before and He wanted to provide good things for us.
I’m sure I’m not the only forgetful person in this world. For a while, I believed I could ignore this forgetfulness and pass it off as “a part of getting older.” Maybe my relationship with God is stale because I’m not the energetic, passionate teenager I once was. Maybe it’s because I’m no longer in full-time ministry. Maybe it’s because there are aspects of evangelicalism that have disillusioned me.
Perhaps there’s a bit of truth to each of those. But I’m pretty sure it's because I haven’t stopped for long enough to remember the road that brought me here.
posted on May 7, 2018
Meet the Author:
Tekoa (Miller) Nantze attempts to remember the past from her home in Oklahoma City, where she resides with her husband and soon-to-be little one. She is a legal assistant by day and a freelance writer and website manager by night. Her work has been published by Standard, Group Publishing, and a variety of others. You can contact her on her website.